11 KEYS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP

SIMILAR/SAME VALUES AND BELIEFS- Spiritual practices, family, finances, domestic responsibilities

RESPECT, HONESTY AND TRUST- Mutual Respect, Honesty, and Trust between partners

ACCEPTANCE- Acceptance of your partner (embracing similarities and respecting differences)

COMMUNICATION- Open, Honest Communication- ability to express feelings and emotions (nothing is off limits)

CONFLICT RESOLUTION- Equal knowledge in conflict resolution skills (avoids keeping score)

WILLINGNESS TO SERVE- Willingness to meet other’s needs (companionship, affection, emotional support, sexual)

FRIENDSHIP- Ability to enjoy partner, laugh, and have fun

COMPATIBLE INTIMACY- Physical, emotional, intellectual, and shared activities

HUMILITY- Take responsibility for actions and behavior- shows humility to makes amends

AUTHENTICITY-  Able to express vulnerability without feeling shamed or criticized

HEALED PAST- Prior hurts and wounds healed- avoids bringing baggage into new relationship

(See example questions below)

11 KEYS OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP- EXAMPLE QUESTIONS

1. SIMILAR/SAME VALUES AND BELIEFS-
A. Spiritual practices- Do we both believe in God- are our views the same?
B. Family- How many children do we want, do we have the same parenting views?
C. Finances- Do we have similar beliefs in spending, saving, tithing, etc.?
D. Domestic- Do we share same views in household responsibilities? Can we come to a mutual agreement about shared domestic responsibilities?

2. RESPECT, HONESTY AND TRUTH-
A. Respect- Do I include my partner in equal decision making, give them my undivided attention in listening to their opinion- choosing my words carefully, honoring boundaries and willing to compromise?
B. Honesty & Trust- Do I act with integrity- My behavior matches my words? Are we sincere and are we both open to feedback?

3. ACCEPTANCE-
Can I accept my partner is different than I? Can I accept my partner will fail me and make mistakes and still love them? Can I accept my partner for who they are and not try and change them?

4. COMMUNICATION-
Can I communicate my wants and needs directly and honestly, share my feelings and emotions without the fear of anyone leaving, judging or criticizing me? Is my partner a safe person and do I feel I can share anything with them and still feel loved and accepted?

5. CONFLICT RESOLUTION-
Am I able to empathize with my partner’s view, agree to disagree, avoid blaming or attacking? Do we both agree to conflict rules: No verbal or emotional abuse- belittling, name-calling etc. Do we both agree to set a time limit on discussion of conflict and accept sometimes an issue must be put on hold and re-visited at a later time? Can we recognize toxic subjects and agree to reach out to a third party (marriage coach/therapist) if needed?

6. WILLINGNESS TO SERVE-
Do I recognize and accept my spouse comes first (after God) and even before children? Am I willing to provide my partner with quality time of companionship, emotional support, sexual intimacy and affection? Do I respect my partner’s preferences and desires are often quite different than mine?

7. FRIENDSHIP-
Do my partner and I have fun together, enjoy each other’s company, laugh and able to be playful? Do I consider my partner my best friend?

8. COMPATIBLE INTIMACY-
Do we share many of the same interests, enjoy similar intellectual conversations and enjoy participating in activities together?

9. HUMILITY-
Am I able to admit when I am wrong? Am I open-minded to learn new things from my partner? Can I make a true and genuine amends when I hurt my partner?

10. AUTHENTICITY-
Am I able to be authentic with my partner? Do I feel safe in sharing my true self, personality and character? Can I easily show my vulnerability without fearing words or behavior will be used against me?

11. HEALED PAST-
Have I truly worked through my past childhood wounds? Have I completely healed my broken heart and/or bitterness, resentment and anger from a past relationship or marriage?

RESOURCES FOR RELATIONSHIPS-

Locate a therapist in your area that specialize in marital/couples counseling
Seek advice/counseling from your church pastor/leader
Seek a Marriage Coach particularly if a couple has been married more than once

DVD/CD SERIES-

Marriage on the Rock- By Pastor Jimmy Evans (great source for even single people)
The Right One- How to Successfully Date and Marry the Right Person- By Pastor Jimmy Evans
Our Secret Paradise- Pastor Jimmy Evans
Lifelong Love Affair- How to Have a Passionate and Deeply Rewarding Marriage- Pastor Jimmy Evans
Boundaries Workbook- When to Say Yes and How to Say No- Henry Cloud and John Townsend
The Five Love Languages- Gary Chapman
The Holy Bible- Genesis - Revelations

Jill Adams MSN, ANP, PMHNP-BC
Psychiatric, Health & Wellness, LLC
TELEMEDICINE
Chesterton, IN 46304
PH- 219-395-9500
Fax- 219-315-0255
www.jadamsandassociates.com

What is ADHD?

is
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder

What are common Signs and Symptoms?

• Difficulty with focus
• Easily distracted
• Frequently loses things (homework)
• Often forgetful
• Hyperactive (often "on the go")
• Frequently fidgets or squirms
• Often blurts out answers
• Difficulty waiting turn
• Frequently interrupts others

Can't any doctor or health care provider diagnose my child for ADHD?

Diagnosis requires thorough evaluation from a health care professional specializing in psychiatry

It is extremely important children receive a thorough Assessment and Evaluation from a Health Care Provider who specializes in Psychiatry and Children's behavior to determine if they have ADHD or possibly another disorder.

Requires timely assessment

To ensure an accurate diagnosis of ADHD, the Psychiatric Health Care Provider performs a full Psychiatric Assessment and Evaluation of a child's medical and mental health history, signs and symptoms, behavior, academic ability, social and emotional functioning. A complete and thorough assessment often requires a significant amount of time gathering necessary information.

Requires consideration of other possible diagnosis

Some Physicians and Health Care Providers may treat ADHD however, it is the Health Care Provider specializing in Psychiatry who is often the only professional that is qualified and received advanced specialized training to diagnose and treat mental health disorders. The Psychiatric Health Care Professional provides the ability to not only make an accurate diagnosis, but also to rule out any other possible disorder or underlying issue the child may have (which is often referred to as differential diagnosis).

** The safety and effectiveness of treatment always begins with a correct diagnosis.

Diagnosis of the child with ADHD

How can I tell if my child is just "an active child" as opposed to "hyperactive?"

Evaluating children's activity level can be challenging as “kids will be kids.” However you as a parent, can ask the following questions to help guide you in your decision to reach out for help:

A. How disruptive is my child's behavior?

B. Does their behavior interfere with daily family function?

C. Does the behavior interfere with school? Are teachers calling and/or emailing to report problematic behavior?

D. Do I/We avoid certain social situations, events for fear my child will embarrass us or become out of control?

If you answered YES to any of these questions- It is highly likely my child is more than just “An active child” and the situation warrants further evaluation. 

How does one tell the difference between ADHD and other disorders?

The Psychiatric Professional often utilize a combination of techniques and skill to make an appropriate and accurate diagnosis. Parent and teacher reports, child presentation, screening tools,  assessment of developmental history, family history, personal and social environment, diet and health are all some of the common areas explored and evaluated.

One common “general rule” that can be a preliminary assessment tool is- 

ADHD symptoms are often consistent in nature (symptoms are typically the same every day- lacks focus, easily distracted, forgetful, loses things, etc.)

Mood Disorder symptoms are often episodic in nature (symptoms come and go- can change from day to day- easy to get along with one day and very irritable or moody another day). 

How often is ADHD misdiagnosed?

Different statistics exist depending on location and credibility of source.

However, in nearly seventeen (17) years of specializing in Pediatrics and Pediatric Disorders, misdiagnosis can occur up to fifty percent (50%) of the time 

Examples:

1. Under-Diagnosed – ADHD diagnoses is missed/overlooked and therefore not treated

2. Dual- Diagnosis- A child receives a correct diagnosis of ADHD however, they also have another mental health disorder that is not adequately assessed or treated (example- Anxiety or Bipolar Disorder can mimic symptoms of ADHD). Mood Disorders are almost always treated before ADHD.

3. Mis-Diagnosed- A child is prescribed an ADHD medication when in fact they do not have ADHD but have a learning disability or possibly experienced some sort of trauma or abuse.

What are some of the risks involved if my child is misdiagnosed?

A. Symptoms may become worse

B. My child may experience self-harm thoughts or behavior

C. If my child is given medication that is not appropriate for their disorder/condition, this may inhibit and or interfere with the effectiveness of the correct medication.

D. My child can be at risk of experiencing uncomfortable and/or adverse reaction to medication or treatment.

E. My child can suffer loss (loss of time, loss of school, failing grades, etc.)

"I fear taking my child to a psychiatrist because they may want to prescribe medication—I don't want my child on medication—are there any other options?"

Many children require medication however, some children may respond effectively with other alternative methods - alteration in diet (decreasing/eliminating sugar and dyes), adding vitamins/supplements, strict behavior modification and implementation of routine, etc. Although most studies support medication is often “the gold standard” for ADHD, there can be other forms of treatment options explored, given the severity of symptoms. 

How will the psychiatric health care provider know which treatment option is best for my child?

The Provider will take a thorough medical and mental health history of my child and then discuss possible treatment options.

What is psychological testing and how can it be beneficial for my child?

Psychological Testing is a battery of tests to measure and observe one's behavior, beliefs, emotions and cognitive ability.

Psychological Testing can be very beneficial in diagnostic clarification and guide treatment planning. Sometimes a child may exhibit many different signs, symptoms and behaviors, which can be challenging to even the most highly skilled, qualified Psychiatric Professional. Therefore, testing can be a very valuable tool in providing more information for a definitive diagnosis.

What kinds of things are evaluated and measured during psychological testing?

A. Discussion of present symptoms/concerns/struggles

B. Prenatal and Postnatal experience

C. Developmental History (delays, etc.)

D. Academic History

E. Social History

F. Family History of Mental Illness

G. Environmental Stressors (Family discord, major transitions, significant life events)

NOTE:  There is NO “full proof” 100% method to determine an ADHD diagnosis; There are no blood tests currently available. However, the highly skilled and trained Psychiatric Health Care Provider have specific Assessment/Diagnostic skills and tools to provide the most accurate diagnosis possible.

Psychiatry is more of an art not a science. Every child is unique with different DNA, different social and environmental stressors and family history, which is why every patient is evaluated and treated on an individual basis.

www.nimh.nih.gov.health/topics/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder

PSYCHIATRIC, HEALTH & WELLNESS, LLC

JILL ADAMS MSN, ANP, PMHNP-BC

TELEMEDICINE

Chesterton, IN 46304

www.jadamsandassociates.com

- I must keep my cell phone with me and on at all times.
- I continually receive updates, emails, text messages and feel uneasy if I don’t.
- I feel nervous or panic when I forget my cell phone.
- I feel nervous if I am not constantly stimulated by an electronic device (cell phone, i-pad, facebook, instagram, twitter, etc.). 
- I must always have the latest and greatest cell phone, i-pad, etc.
- I talk really fast to others, often interrupt them or finish their sentences.
- I have a difficult time listening to others feedback. I am too occupied of what I am going to say.
- I fill my day with many activities- Running around from sun up to sun down.
- I take very few breaks if any throughout my day.
- I rarely sit down for lunch to relax and eat. I rarely eat breakfast or lunch.
- I must always move at a fast pace.
- I expect others to move at a very fast pace and become irritated if they don’t comply with my expectations.
- If I get behind a slow driver and can’t pass, road rage sets in.
- I often find myself texting and driving or texting and walking.
- No matter what I am doing, I must always be doing 2-3 things at once.
- I do not feel normal unless I am constantly stimulated by electronics, conversation, activities, to keep the adrenaline up. 
- I have difficulty relaxing.
- I have difficulty falling asleep.
- My family rarely shares a meal together- we are always on the go.
- There are no rules at the dinner table such as no cell phones etc.
- My family does not have a designated quiet time for parents, kids, etc.

STRESS MANAGEMENT

• Self-Care is a must- Eat healthy meals, get adequate sleep, and balance activities with rest.
  - Adopt a relaxation exercise of your choice- Yoga, meditation, prayer, deep breathing, regular rest periods.
  - Schedule breaks throughout day- if you have to- set your alarm on your phone. Take at least (2) 15 min breaks. 
  - Schedule short vacations every few months (a long weekend) as oppose to only one vacation per year.
  - Have an accountability partner (someone you must answer to for your success at stress management).
  - Get regular daily exercise (30-40 min of cardio). Walking is great!
  - Limit caffeine intake to one cup of coffee per day.
  - Avoid intake of too much sugar(soda).  Balance proteins, fats and carbs-Keeps blood sugar stable. 
  - Avoid people who are often full of drama.
  - Set boundaries with those who often cause you stress.
  - Balance your week with time for self, time for your spouse and time with children.
  - Work out a plan of balance for domestic responsibilities between you and your spouse.
  - If you find yourself working all the time with little to no play time, you will eventually burn out.
  - Schedule weekly and/or monthly pampered activities (message, mani, pedi, etc.) any activity that helps you feel relaxed. 
  - Regularly get together with friends- Have fun. Laughter is the best medicine!!
  - Designate time- period every day to completely “unplug” from everything and everyone (cell phone, TV, i-pad).
  - Decide what helps you feel relaxed and at peace and commit to doing it every day (pray, meditate, yoga, etc.).
  - Regularly do fun things- watch funny movie, laugh with friends, watch children play.
  - Soak in a tub -light candles- play soft relaxing music.
  - Learn to say the healthiest boundary word “NO!”
  - Learn the difference between self-care and selfishness. Embrace joy and peace. Avoid feeling guilty when you're taking care of yourself. 
  - Have realistic expectations of yourself and others.
• LEARN TO STOP AND SMELL THE ROSES!!